Perfectionism...not always a good thing

I've been a self-proclaimed perfectionist for so long I can't remember. I think someone must have told me once that they thought I was and I thought that sounded like a great thing to be classified as! Not so much anymore. The way this psychology has played itself out in my life has maybe done good things for me - spurned me to some achievements and overall good self-worth (not to be confused with good self-esteem). But for the most part, I am beginning to realize the relative path of destruction it has left and has the potential to leave if left unresearched and unchecked. Wikipedia describes Perfectionism as a belief that perfection can and should be attained. In its pathological form, it is a belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable. At such levels, this is considered an unhealthy belief. It goes on to describe Positive and Negative aspects of this mental state. Some actually believe it should be treated as a mental disorder like OCD and eating disorders, which are associated with people who are perfectionists. That sheds more light on why I had an eating disorder from high school through college -which robbed years of being present in my life. Perfectionists also tend to be stubborn. Hmmm...It's all coming clear!

After reading the positives and negatives, I've determined that I fall more in the negative category which means it produces more anxiety and depression than results and everyone around me can be negatively affected by my perfectionist mindset - or prison! This would explain why we've lived in this house for 6+ years and I've never achieved the garden of my dreams because I think it should just happen instead of working diligently at it over time. It would also explain why I haven't become the baker I'd like to be - because I think I should get it all right the first time and it's not something that is learned gradually and with lots of mistakes - mistakes are failure and should be avoided at all costs. I should confess that my issues with perfectionism in the kitchen have led to many little scuffles whenever Brian, in love and not criticism, tries to help me. There are many other examples I could share of how this has affected my life.

I got to thinking about this because I recently came to a revelation about how perfectionism has run my life and decided I didn't want that life anymore. The revelation is this: life is too short to be so hard on yourself that you can't enjoy the process or progress of whatever it is that you're trying to accomplish - being a good mother, friend, wife, seamstress, baker, gardener, homemaker, etc. It will not just happen overnight and the only person holding you back is yourself. All of these accomplished people in the world did not just wake up one morning to perfection - and most would say they're not even there now. Which leads me to the second part of this revelation: God does not demand perfection nor does he expect it. Only one was ever and will ever be perfect and that is Christ. For some reason, I never thought about that from a perspective other than sin. We're not perfect, therefore we will always sin, therefore our need for a great Savior. I will now remind myself that we're not perfect, therefore we're not perfect in any way, shape or form, are not expected to be and can just live life to the fullest using all of the gifts our Father has given us to His glory alone! What freedom is in that!

I hope my little (huge!) revelation may help others of you who struggle with this to gain some perspective on how destructive it can be - even as parents - to demand such unrealistic standards. Love to all and I would love to hear comments:)