Perfectionism...not always a good thing

I've been a self-proclaimed perfectionist for so long I can't remember. I think someone must have told me once that they thought I was and I thought that sounded like a great thing to be classified as! Not so much anymore. The way this psychology has played itself out in my life has maybe done good things for me - spurned me to some achievements and overall good self-worth (not to be confused with good self-esteem). But for the most part, I am beginning to realize the relative path of destruction it has left and has the potential to leave if left unresearched and unchecked. Wikipedia describes Perfectionism as a belief that perfection can and should be attained. In its pathological form, it is a belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable. At such levels, this is considered an unhealthy belief. It goes on to describe Positive and Negative aspects of this mental state. Some actually believe it should be treated as a mental disorder like OCD and eating disorders, which are associated with people who are perfectionists. That sheds more light on why I had an eating disorder from high school through college -which robbed years of being present in my life. Perfectionists also tend to be stubborn. Hmmm...It's all coming clear!

After reading the positives and negatives, I've determined that I fall more in the negative category which means it produces more anxiety and depression than results and everyone around me can be negatively affected by my perfectionist mindset - or prison! This would explain why we've lived in this house for 6+ years and I've never achieved the garden of my dreams because I think it should just happen instead of working diligently at it over time. It would also explain why I haven't become the baker I'd like to be - because I think I should get it all right the first time and it's not something that is learned gradually and with lots of mistakes - mistakes are failure and should be avoided at all costs. I should confess that my issues with perfectionism in the kitchen have led to many little scuffles whenever Brian, in love and not criticism, tries to help me. There are many other examples I could share of how this has affected my life.

I got to thinking about this because I recently came to a revelation about how perfectionism has run my life and decided I didn't want that life anymore. The revelation is this: life is too short to be so hard on yourself that you can't enjoy the process or progress of whatever it is that you're trying to accomplish - being a good mother, friend, wife, seamstress, baker, gardener, homemaker, etc. It will not just happen overnight and the only person holding you back is yourself. All of these accomplished people in the world did not just wake up one morning to perfection - and most would say they're not even there now. Which leads me to the second part of this revelation: God does not demand perfection nor does he expect it. Only one was ever and will ever be perfect and that is Christ. For some reason, I never thought about that from a perspective other than sin. We're not perfect, therefore we will always sin, therefore our need for a great Savior. I will now remind myself that we're not perfect, therefore we're not perfect in any way, shape or form, are not expected to be and can just live life to the fullest using all of the gifts our Father has given us to His glory alone! What freedom is in that!

I hope my little (huge!) revelation may help others of you who struggle with this to gain some perspective on how destructive it can be - even as parents - to demand such unrealistic standards. Love to all and I would love to hear comments:)

Six Years Stronger

This past Sunday, Brian and I celebrated our sixth anniversary - no gifts, no cards - just the two of us on a really quiet beach in gorgeous northwest Florida! We decided a couple of years ago that all we really want to do is spend time together on this precious day and review our vows and goals.

Thanks to Mom and Tom living close by, Ellie had a day (and night) of fun at the river while we took off to explore St. Joseph Peninsula State Park. Once we got there, we were reminded of how lucky we are to live in such a beautiful part of the state. In Tallahassee, we get rolling hills, red clay and large Live Oaks. On the coast, we get palm trees, saw palmetto, sand, and landscape still virtually untouched by development. While we understand that development is somewhat good, how thankful we are for the passing of laws against doing it everywhere and for protected state parks! Shortly after we got there, I found myself wondering where all the people were - it's hard to just slow down and not have an agenda! I love being in nature and just being quiet; but it's still really hard! If you want a retreat from any and everything, go to this park. We played on the gorgeous bay-side because they were doing renourishment on the ocean-side; but we think it was the best side! We saw plenty of horseshoe crab shells and satiny driftwood, about which Brian had a marriage revelation. I'll share it below in his words:

That wood washed up on shore weeks, months, probably years ago in some cases and ever since then, it has been under attack by the wind carrying grains of sand, smashing into it and the waves trying to draw it back into the bay – but as it sits there today, that wood – so attacked over the years, is more beautiful than it was the day it washed up. That’s what I see in our marriage, and you in particular – it is BECAUSE of the attacks that our marriage is being made more lovely.

We also saw some trash...not too much; but enough that we felt like we couldn't just leave it. Although those who litter in the first place are not being responsible citizens, we feel that walking right by it and doing nothing about it is equally as irresponsible. So, we had fun picking it up! Here are some pictures of our day:)

Yeah - Football!

FSU's Spring Scrimmage was this past Saturday, so we thought that would be a perfect time to introduce Ellie to a live football game. She's already been indoctrinated with the love of everything football - and especially 'Noles' football - for the past couple of seasons. She knows 'Go 'Noles', 'Scalp 'Em', and the Chop. This was an opportunity to test out her stuff! She was so excited! On the way to the game, she was chattering to herself in the car and cracked us up when she said, very nonchanlantly, 'Goin' to the game...Go 'Noles!' That's our girl! Enjoy the pics:)

Products I'm in love with!

Okay, so I may be copying this idea from another friend; but it's so fun to share! So, here are a few things I'm loving right now:

1. Palmer's Shea Butter Lotion with Vitamin E - This stuff is amazing! My skin, which is never dry, has been unusually thirsty so far this pregnancy. Like, I've been covering up so I don't scare anyone with my scaliness! So, off to Walmart I went not even two weeks ago and got this lotion. It is AMAZING and my skin is almost back to normal. Thank the Lord since it's almost pool season!
   


2. Glade Plug-Ins with Clean Linen Scent - Thank God for wonderful friends who don't mind sharing secrets! I learned about this one from one dear friend when I walked into her new house and it smelled like another great friend's house! I had to have it - and she told me. They're a little expensive to start - about $7; but the refills aren't too bad and you can find coupons for them.


3. Williams-Sonoma Spatulas - We happened upon these a couple of years ago, got a whole set and they're still in perfect condition! The great thing about these is that they're heat resistant to 500 degrees, you can remove the plastic heads from the handle so they don't mold on the inside and you can get them personalized! At $20 for a set of three plus $10 for the must-have spoonula, it's a really good deal and a great gift item!


4. Combos - Pizzeria Pretzel flavor! I've actually loved these for a long time and can eat a whole bag at a time!! Since I'm pregnant, I try not to feel too bad about making a meal out of them! Now, before you go thinking "a whole bag of chips!?", they make the bags so small it's hard to justify saving any for later - except that they cost the same as a whole bag of chips! So, when Publix had them 3/$4, I couldn't pass it up. I tried to share with Brian; but he claimed he didn't like that flavor anymore - Darn!
5. Miss Oops Popper Stopper - What a funny name, huh? Well, it serves a funny purpose. These are patches that cover your popping belly button when you're pregnant! And since my belly button has been somewhat out since around week 8!!!! (and I'm only at 15 weeks now), I've already ordered some! It popped early with Ellie; but not that early! I don't know why I didn't think about covering it the first time. So, all you pregnant ladies with pregnant outies, help is on the way!

That's it for now. I'll add more as I come across them. Here's the token picture of Ellie! She and her daddy were painting while mommy was resting and decided body painting would be fun! I'm so thankful for Brian and how his personality and gifting compliments my own. I would have NEVER done this; but I'm so glad they did!

Looking Back

I am going to finally get this blog updated today! I've been inspired by a dear friend, Darby, who writes an amazing blog; and I'm ready to let you know what's been going on in our world! Since we are now looking forward to the next addition to our family, I thought I'd try this new slide show thingy with some pics of Ellie right around one year old. It's hard to believe she's two and a half and definitely all little girl! We love every minute with her. Enjoy the show and I'll post more later.